14th May 2008

 H.E. The President

Islamic Republic of Pakistan

Islamabad

Pakistan

 Dear President Mushharraf

On behalf of one billion Indians, I am writing to thank you for not figuring out the obvious. As you must have read in the news yesterday, yet another IAF plane has crashed, killing the pilot. A couple of months back two MIG's crashed and claimed the lives of two pilots. By now, you should have realized that you wasted a decade waging a proxy war in Kashmir in the hope of keeping the Indian army bogged down. Instead, the entire India was yours for taking if only you had used your PAF to wage an air battle. I guarantee, you would have had air superiority over Indian skies within half a day.

Your intelligence probably tells you that this is not the best option as the IAF outnumbers the PAF in the ratio of 3:1. True, but I have some inside information for you, which might get me arrested for sedition.  So why am I parting with this information? It is simple. These days I am a little pissed with my leaders and am doing this just to spite them. So here goes.

The world is aware you have 100 planes to India's 300. I will try to keep it simple, as I am told math is not a strong point with Pakistani Generals. Out of the 300 planes India has, 100 are grounded because they do not have spares. That leaves 200 planes of which about 100 can be expected to crash on take off!! You guessed it; they are the MIG's and the Jaguars, the so called flying coffins. Which leaves us with 100 air worthy planes, the same number as yours!!

But wait, you are probably thinking, what if the Indian pilots are better than their Pakistani counterparts, they could still inflict enough damage to disable the PAF. My misplaced patriotism tells me they probably are, but here is the thing. The IAF has managed to kill most of its good pilots by having them fly the MIG's and the Jaguars. So an optimistic estimate would probably put the number of experienced fighters at 50 and I am including the Air Chief Marshall in this figure. So against the hundred airworthy fighter planes (and I presume pilots too) Pakistan has, the Indian fleet of similar number is manned by 50 pilots.

To make matters simple for you there can be a maximum of 50 planes airborne from the Indian side at any given point.  So actually the PAF outnumbers the IAF 2:1!!!

What the Indian side is banking on is that you will never be able to figure out the math. So they are hoping you would continue with your current strategy of killing innocents in Varanasi, Delhi, Bangalore, Kashmir , Mumbai and now Jaipur while the IAF focuses on wiping out its pilot strength . As for our leaders well they find it an easier option to condemn the repeated 'ghastly and barbaric acts" perpetrated by you rather than work to staunch the all round bleeding.

Thank you once again.

Sincerely

Socrates